Janice, Charlie’s Preschool Teacher: “Charlie seemed kind of burnt out toward the end of preschool. When another kid threw a Nerf football at him, he just stood there and let it bounce off his head. Even his Lego castles went from imaginative fortresses to these big lumps. I think he needs time off. He…

The complete guide to newsletters and email lists for writers — I’ve been a creative writer for seven years, mostly writing humor and fiction. The single best thing I’ve done to market my writing has been to focus on my craft and write as much as possible. But the second best thing I’ve done, marketing-wise, was to start an email list…

If you’re writing short humor, don’t make these mistakes! — I’ve been writing short humor pieces for several years on Medium and elsewhere. Short humor (or “premise humor” as we sometimes call it in the biz) is an addictive, rewarding, and chameleon-like form of writing. I’ve also been an editor of Slackjaw, a humor publication on Medium, since 2018. Reading…

The ‘Back-To-Me’ Vault Use any seemingly-relevant phrase as a springboard to make the conversation about you. When scoring a vault, judges look for a crisp and bold move that annoys the listener with its aggression and selfishness. Person: “The coffee at Statesman is always stale. That place is overrated.” Gymnast: “Totally. Honestly, I…

Aggggghhhhhh!!! Silicon Valley Bank failed! What the fuck!? This is YOUR FAULT for panicking!! I’ve been TWEETING FUCKING NONSTOP since Friday, telling you CRAZY FUCKS to STOP PANICKING and START LISTENING TO ME, a FINANCE GURU, about the IMMINENT COLLAPSE of our FINANCIAL SYSTEM… You NEED TO DO WHAT I…

5. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling Magic! Time travel! Devilish dementors! Woohoo!! This book has it all. When I found a used copy of Azkaban on a bench outside a public park restroom, I high-fived myself. I had always wanted to read a book ever since my girlfriend dumped me on our second date because I…

Hi friend! Thanks for booking our Airbnb, “Robbie and Rose’s Cool NYC Condo Experience.” We are psyched to share our space with you! We get a ton of questions about the $900 “cleaning fee” for our one-bedroom rental that runs $65 per night. In full transparency, we are messaging you…

Want your articles to get ZERO views? You don’t stand a chance unless you do these 30 things. Write huge, long rants with pie charts and poetry. Readers LOVE this! Don’t write for yourself: that’s narcissism! Don’t write for an audience: that’s GROSS MARKETING! Write for ALL of humanity, but…

Say I’m headed out to the Donut Shoppe one fine morning, but something is amiss. The streets are empty. The cafes, empty. The Walmart, empty. The gun stores, empty. No one’s in The Donut Shoppe… what in the world!? How am I supposed to get my glazed goodies!? Then I’m…