Hey fellow Writing Wizards! Joining the Wizard’s Write A Novel in A Week Challenge was freakin’ exhilarating. What a kick in the creative pants! I’m so glad I met you all here in the forums. Did anyone think this challenge was REALLY HARD? Ha ha!
But I’m delighted to say I 100% finished writing an entire 350-page novel! One thing: My novel SUCKS.
I know that, as writers, we’re self-critical and we tend to “hate on” our work. I don’t think this is that. I think my book is just a pile of pure shit. It doesn’t have a discernible…
They call him Hot Bobby because he’s the bee’s knees. An impressive five-foot-nine, always rockin’ his signature blue leather jacket, mid-neck-length fashion mullet that’s dyed black as the night. Hot Bobby keeps himself in a certain shape, and he expects the same from his dates and, should they be so lucky, his girlfriends. He can bang out 30 stone-cold push-ups, and he’s only 14% body fat. Yeah!
As you can imagine, Hot Bobby has standards. And a code.
No scrubs or ugs or duds or trolls or bores or snores allowed! Only hotties. A Hot Bobbie 10 is a grown-ass…
In the sequel, the explosions will be bigger, louder, and 35% more explodier.
There will be closer close-ups of Gal Gadot’s face. Especially when she quietly stares at a picture of her fiancé who died in the first alien war.
The aliens will be way scarier, and the CGI of their teeth alone will cost more than the first movie.
The sex appeal will be much greater. Instead of dating a 29-year-old, Robert Downey Jr’s character will date two 24-year-olds.
The head alien from the first movie, Lord Thorax, will have transformed into something even more vile and terrifying: Lord…
Writers love a challenge, and your publication can use this fact of human psychology to its advantage. Compare:
“Our wonderful Medium publication, Candy Land, accepts stories about chocolate, gumdrops, and Swedish Fish, and we hope you’ll submit a story someday! We’ll always be here, so see you whenever, candy heads!”
“We are holding a competition to see who can write the best story about candy. There are special prizes and renowned guest judges who will read your work. But the competition only lasts 30 days, and time is running out. GO!”
Which creates more urgency and excitement? …
Your Medium story delighted me! But I do not clap.
You gave me “Five Ways To Listen Better In Relationships.” I liked all of them! But I do not clap.
You explained, “How Cryptocurrency Will Change Everything.” Never heard of it before. Learned a lot! No claps from me.
You revealed, “What Having A Spicy Extramarital Affair Taught Me About Love.” Remarkably insightful and touching. Here are zero claps for that.
I read your entire Medium story, top to bottom, and it certainly held my attention and gave me lots of to think about.
Should I clap? No! I mustn’t…
Listen up, aspiring entrepreneur! The Infinite Cash Online Summit is NOT for everyone.
This summit is NOT for the overwhelming majority of “wannabe” entrepreneurs and do-nothing thumb-suckers.
Infinite Cash is THE summit where you learn to SELL ANYTHING TO ANYONE, ONLINE, using just a simple laptop and a loyal team of Romanian coders who work for ROMANIAN PENNIES.
Infinite Cash is for the grinders, the strivers, the early-risers, and the HARDCORE HUSTLERS who have grit, drive, vision, and chops OOZING OUT OF THEIR EYE-SOCKETS.
Infinite Cash is ONLY for the 0.0001% TOP DOGS who want to eat, breathe, sleep, and…
Slackjaw is Medium’s most-read humor publication — with more than 135,000 followers — and we want your funny writing! We also want to support humor writers, and aspiring writers, everywhere.
Pioneered in 2019, The Slackjaw Challenge is back for our third consecutive year, in April 2021.
Challenges need awesome prizes, and we’ve got a $1,000 grand prize, plus cool bonuses and runner-up prizes (see below!), and the chance to get your work in front of our amazing guest judging panel: Emma Allen (humor editor, The New Yorker), Scott Dikkers (founder, TheOnion.com), and Jen Spyra (The Late Show with Stephen Colbert).
In my previous article, I taught you how to go viral. Guess what? That article was INSANELY GOOD: it went viral. But now we’re putting away the kiddie toys, and I’m flat out showing you how to write an article that GOES SO VIRAL YOU BREAK THE GODDAMNED INTERNET. Ready, Set… Do these 33 things!
Write about your feelings. People love reading about your feelings.
Short sentences. You need. Them. Trust me.
Use a super-catchy title that makes your readers go, “Woot Woot Honk Honk Holy Moley Imma Be Readin’ That There Cannoli!”
(Amazing title example: “9 Funky Tips To…
Yes, hi. I’d like the expresso. Hang on. I need to make sure — is your expresso good? I want a classic Tokyo expresso, not a bastardized Greek or Cuban expresso. Do you make it with authentic Japanese expresso leaves? I can taste the difference. I am a bit of an expresso fanatic, as you can probably tell, and I don’t mean to be too picky here but I would like my expresso defrosted, minced, and hand-rolled then served room temperature, not ice cold! And I need it quickly, in the next three minutes.
Wait — can you describe the…
Dear Mr. President,
I’ll give it to you straight. The American bald eagle population is dangerously out of control.
At the dawn of the 20th century, our nation held a mighty 100,000 nesting pairs of eagles. You know the history, Mr. President: In our carelessness and greed, we decimated them through deforestation, DDT spraying, and rapacious bird hunters who profited off the women’s eagle feather cloche, a popular ladies hat fashion of the 1920s. By 1962, fewer than 500 bald eagles remained. …